On the package it says "For best results dry skin thoroughly before applying." I read that. "I don't need best results" I thought. "Just decent ones." And so I took a handful of the stuff and smeared it in the appropriate places.
Jesus fucking Christ.
Apparently, and I read multiple reports of this on the Amazon.com review and other places, if you apply Gold Bond to sweaty wet skin it feels like YOU ARE ON FIRE. It burns with an unholy ferocity. I thought this might be a short term issue as the stuff dries up the sweat, but it's not. It burns and burns and burns some more. My balls weren't actually on fire. They just felt like they were.
After about 30 minutes of agony (I probably should have jumped in the shower, but the thought of adding MORE water to this situation did not thrill me.) the burning died down. And this morning my skin is nice and dry and soft. But apparently the best time to apply Gold Bond is after a shower and after you have THOROUGHLY dried your skin. I will be keeping that in mind. In fact that's one of those things that I do not think I will EVER forget.