I should also mention that tomorrow is my 20th birthday and for the third year in a row it's going to whimper its way on past with equal amounts of angst, depression, and disapointment. My "Friends" including the one whose greatest wish I helped fulfill (getting into college) would rather go out to flushing to hang out with a guy that none of them really like than do anything with me, so fuck them, maybe next time when the chips are down and they need my help I'll just fold and leave em hanging in the breeze. My mother is not giving me a gift this year which is kind of insulting since I bought her a Christmas gift and she isn't getting me anything for Christmas either, but it's better than her buying herself a cell phone and pretending its a gift for me then acting like a complete and total bitch when I call her on it.
Oh and we got into a HUGE fight this morning when, among other things, she told me "You're complaining about how bad YOU have it but do you ever think about how hard your birthday is for ME?" My twentieth birthday is coming and going and nobody gives a shit and I'm supposed to be crying for her because her son isn't as popular as she'd like? She's also been going off at random over old shit that's being dealt with but her neuroticism dictates that she get her stress out by being verbally and at times physically abusive. Oh well.
Oh and she also told me that if I don't arrange a party for my birthday she'll stay here to keep me company rather than get the fuck out of my hair which would be the greatest gift I could ask for. If I keep going to summer school it's only two years till I grab my degree and I can join a graduate program somewhere ELSE where the rents aren't so crazy and I can afford my own place. That'll be awesome, I'll make sure to rent from a guy so I can just bolt the door, put up my "No Cunts Allowed" sign and start living my damned LIFE. Okay now I'm just sort of ranting but it's either dream or commit suicide, and frankly my razorblades are a little too dull for the second option to be a pleasant one.