Here there be monsters (socratic) wrote,
Here there be monsters

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Your eyes, I say your eyes may look like his. Yeah but in your head baybee I'm afraid you don't know where it is

I got my first grade for the semester and it was an A in Spanish. I didn't really deserve it but I'll take it as it was one of the components to the GPA over 3.7 scenario I've been hoping for. See as a 4 credit class Spanish carries more weight than most of my other classes (3 pointers). That means that not only does an A cancel out a B+ to bring the average up to A- levels but it pulls the grade slightly above that. Now if I get an A in lit hum or sociology and an A- in social psychology I have a pretty decent shot at the 3.7 average for the semester which would be very nice. That assumes that I don't bomb Memory: Cognition and stress, and make at least a B in that class. My mem grade will be posted on the net at some point in the near future so I'm sort of waiting with baited breath for that one. 40% of my grade is still up in the air in that class and depending on whether the first test gets curved I could still pull off a B+. Doesn't seem likely though. STill the A in Spanish gives me hope. Why do I care about a 3.7 average you ask (Yes I know you didn't ask you moody fuck, but I'm answering anyway. Got that bro?) It's because of my prevention focus. I don't want my GPA to drop lower than it is, even though where it is isn't particularly important. I'd rather go from 3.7 to 3.8 than 4.0 to 3.9 even though the latter would be objectively superior. Yeah I'm fucking what?

I should also mention that tomorrow is my 20th birthday and for the third year in a row it's going to whimper its way on past with equal amounts of angst, depression, and disapointment. My "Friends" including the one whose greatest wish I helped fulfill (getting into college) would rather go out to flushing to hang out with a guy that none of them really like than do anything with me, so fuck them, maybe next time when the chips are down and they need my help I'll just fold and leave em hanging in the breeze. My mother is not giving me a gift this year which is kind of insulting since I bought her a Christmas gift and she isn't getting me anything for Christmas either, but it's better than her buying herself a cell phone and pretending its a gift for me then acting like a complete and total bitch when I call her on it.

Oh and we got into a HUGE fight this morning when, among other things, she told me "You're complaining about how bad YOU have it but do you ever think about how hard your birthday is for ME?" My twentieth birthday is coming and going and nobody gives a shit and I'm supposed to be crying for her because her son isn't as popular as she'd like? She's also been going off at random over old shit that's being dealt with but her neuroticism dictates that she get her stress out by being verbally and at times physically abusive. Oh well.

Oh and she also told me that if I don't arrange a party for my birthday she'll stay here to keep me company rather than get the fuck out of my hair which would be the greatest gift I could ask for. If I keep going to summer school it's only two years till I grab my degree and I can join a graduate program somewhere ELSE where the rents aren't so crazy and I can afford my own place. That'll be awesome, I'll make sure to rent from a guy so I can just bolt the door, put up my "No Cunts Allowed" sign and start living my damned LIFE. Okay now I'm just sort of ranting but it's either dream or commit suicide, and frankly my razorblades are a little too dull for the second option to be a pleasant one.
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