Here there be monsters (socratic) wrote,
Here there be monsters

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All the joy within you dies.

Well I got a B in My memory class which pretty much assures me of a GPA lower than 3.7 for the semester. Turns out that my Paper got the full 15 points but I blew the final, getting a 39 out of 50. So I ended up with a B and without some seriously high scores on the finals of my remaining classes I'm knocked off my high horse. Of course my 3.6 (which is an A- average and much more significant than 3.7 which is arbitrary) should still be intact as long as things don't go HORRIBLY wrong. I mean I'm at a 3.57 right now and that B will probably be my lowest grade of the semester, as long as I didn't REALLY blow my social psych test.'s all very upsetting and only 2 hours till my birthday and I'm 20. The strange thing is that during the semester I was more concerned with just about anything than I was with school, I felt more pride and accomplishment from watching a DVD than I did from performing decently on school work, and now I'm realizing that that was a fucking insane way to approach things. I'm just slightly perturbed that this wasn't an even stronger wake-up call, I mean a single B on my transcript isn't going to do any damage and as long as I didn't outright fuck myself in any of my other classes I haven't exactly destroyed my future....but still I need to start accepting the difference between reality and fantasy and be more banal. I'm going to be 20 for christ-sake, and I'm entering a phase of life where shit has long-term consequences. I hate the way the world works in that if you want to be successful there's much more that you have to avoid than you have to do. I also hate the way school works in that each section of your grade is only so much, you can't get over 100 percent and 100 percent is too easy to get, so you spend a lot of time and effort doing stuff you don't get rewarded for. Especially with me and class participation, where if I participate as much as any two other people in the class I still get the same grade that they do, even if I'm more insightful etc.

*sigh* Goddamn it I could have avoided this B if I had STUDIED. It wasn't even the procrastination on the paper that did me in, it was STUDYING. That and the fact that I couldn't attend the review sessions because I had tests those days, but that's not my fault. All in all I wish it had been the paper because THAT I frittered away....but going out this just SUCKS.

Prepare for a year of pouting.
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