Here there be monsters (socratic) wrote,
Here there be monsters

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Feeling like I'm chasing like I'm facing myself alone

Sometimes things string together strangely. I was taking a nap in the living room when I had a VERY odd dream about "her" (It went from fairly straight forward if factually incorrect into post apocalyptic mayhem where I was a bounty hunter for supernatural creatures and there was a hole to hell in my room underneath my bed) and I decided to check my email just to get any thoughts of prescience or whatever out of my head (I can at times behave as if I believe in the psychic, even though I don't REALLY and when push comes to shove I will select rationality) and the email told me that a Columbia Student had died on my birthday.

Whoa. It's just wierd to go from a freakish scary dream world and seek solace in the REAL world only to bump into freakish frightening events here as well. Maybe a measure of the Post Sept 11th lifestyle. Apparently he fell off Pupin and foul play was ruled out. Meanwhile jumping from a height is my prefered type of suicide fantasy. He died on my birthday when I was feeling incredibly low (Today without the "You must love your birthday edict" I've been having fun watching football and playing Max Payne) and I found about it just after a very strange dream.

I didn't know the dude but it still is a striking turn of events IMO and just rattles the cage a little. It's funny because I live in a bit of a fantasy world (where one can make it through the world without any interaction with the feminine, and where your school years just don't count somehow) and even when something occurs that should serve to rip me kicking and screaming back towards reality it is couched in events that make it seem more like symbolic fantasy than cold hard hit you in the face at 100 mph reality.

Still shell shocked from dad? I don't know, I guess so. But as long as I'm locked up in here with anime and video games and fake electronic friends I won't need to face that bitter cold smack you in the nuts and twist em just for fun world that is SO Fucking real. Right? Right?

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