Christmas came and went with nary a moment of holiday cheer for me (It's not that I didn't have an okay day playing video games and watching Anime, it's that it wasn't a CHRISTMASY day. Which is alright I guess) My mother brought home one of her friends to stay with us over Christmas night which means I am basically locked away in my room. This woman remembers when I was like 7 and nice without discresion (You know, before my father died and trust became just a word that other people use) and she was in a bad way and I was supportive. Well now I'm 20 and she's STILL in a bad way except I'm mature and smart enough to realize that it's her fault. She's chasing a pipe dream of being able to be the ONE PERSON who can fix the Israeli Palestinian conflict and her idea seems to revolve around rational arguments towards both sides about giving up claim to Jerusalem. Ummm...there is NO way an Academic is going to fix this fucking issue through theorizing, and especially not theorizing that fails to take into account the insanity and profound irrationality of both sides. Meanwhile while trying to get funding for this pipe dream she hasn't paid rent in a year, she has no job, and she's basically out on the street.
And if I talk to her now I CAN'T be supportive of that kind of sheer stupidity. The woman has a Harvard PhD and the job market can't possibly be THAT tight, except that she's unwilling to set aside a completely unrealistic dream and live her life. And she's in her FIFTIES.
I dunno I guess in part it pisses me off because I've STARTED making sacrifices of my hopes and dreams just to make my way way through life. I don't want to be in college, I don't want to do psychology, but dreams are just packages of hot air in a thin paper wrapping and clinging to them is a fool's game.
I'm not going to be pushing 60 and still fiddling around with pipe dreams. I'd rather die young. But meanwhile I'm thirsty and a little hungry and I can't go for a damned drink or bowl of cereal because this woman is there and I REALLY don't want to run into her and be forced into a boring conversation about how I used to be when I was little or even worse her deranged theories. Especially since I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be able to keep my mouth shut about how STUPID it is to fail to fulfill obligations (like rent) just for some unatainable goal. Oh well, a sore throat and cottonmouth are nothing new to me. Suck it up soldier