Here there be monsters (socratic) wrote,
Here there be monsters

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I don't really have much to say but I feel like writing and so I am. I'm glad that I got removed from that guy's friends list, I didn't like feeling like I had to restrain the number of posts per day that I make, and in fact I ended up making as many as I felt like anyway. This journal is pointless if it's any more restrained than any publc Journal can be (there are a few things I have wanted to say but haven't because there are people out there who I know who could be reading this, and we all need to keep certain secrets.)

I find myself comparing my journal with others that I've found that I like. What I've come up with is that my content is not particularly far below par but my formatting is. My paragraphs are too long and my color scheme boaders on the unreadable. This is unfortunate but I kind of like the colors as they are and I absolutely hate formatting my writing. It's boring and to me it makes the thoughts seem disjointed.

I wonder sometimes about my moodswings. In terms of mental disorders, where does the person end and the disease begin? Am I manic-depressive? It seems unlikely because I am not exactly manic a lot, but I certainly am depressive at points. Of course it always seems (to me) like the depression is brought on by events so it SEEMS healthy. I don't want to take Prozac because I don't like the idea of changing into another person, but if I could always be as calm and relaxed as I am right now it might be worth it. Of course in my depressive moments I would scoff at my current thoughts and call myself a sell-out. Heads you win tails I lose. All I need is love and assurance and unbridled success and wealth and my own Pony named Chester Arthur III who is the bestest pony in the whole wide world and.....

Is that so much to ask?

How about just one of those things?

You've got happiness right now, isn't that better than all those things and misery?

Yeah but the happiness won't last. A pony lasts. A pony lasts a long time.

How do you know the happiness won't last? Couldn't this be a self fulfilling prophecy?

Yeah I guess, but what your positing sounds like optimism.

What's so wrong with optimism?

Nothing, I guess, except it amplifies disapointment. And life always has a way of disapointing me when I'm up. Witness the end of this summer.

Jeff says it was a positive experience.

Jeff also says that every other joke is the "Funniest thing I've ever heard"

At least he doesn't talk to himself.

You've got me there.
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