Here there be monsters (socratic) wrote,
Here there be monsters

  • Mood:
  • Music:
I've been thinking that I should make an effort to be less cerebral. It's an ironic thought to have, cause thinking about how cerebral I am certainly isn't helping me get out of my head, but I feel like a lot of my boredom and fear comes from my need to always be thinking. I just put myself through six days of hell over absolutely nothing, and it felt like an eternity. I feel like a little kid again, I only started summer session 7 weeks ago and already it feels like an eternity. When I was young time moved so very slowly, and then for the past few years it's really been speeding by, but its slowed back to a crawl again now. I don't think that makes much sense to anyone but me but I'm allowed at least a few personal indescresions now and then....right? If I just made you stop reading please post a comment so I know.

Anyway I feel trapped inside my head and I don't know how to get out. I mean I want to go out there into the world and connect with people but it's like I'm my own cage. I don't know, maybe this is just a momentary feeling based in the fact that I have nothing much to do right now but wait for a response from someone to one of the emails I've sent out recently. I have way too much time on my hands but still not enough. I feel like someone gave me 10 dollars and, not being able to decide how to spend it, I kept fiddling with it in my hands till it got all torn and dirty and worthless. I don't want that to happen to my life. Sometimes its hard to get outside your own head without chemical assistance (which I refuse to accept.) Maybe I should follow everyone's advice and write something , I mean besides this journal which I doubt I'll stick with anyway. What would I write though?

It's strange, normally I'm a leader type but when it comes to myself I yearn to be a follower. And then when someone gives me direction and advice it doesn't please me either and I just go back to being bored and afraid. Will this phase ever pass? Will I ever realize all or any of my potential? I'm 19 going on 75 and I can't figure out what to do about it.
  • Post a new comment


    default userpic

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.