The only problem is that it opens more doors in my thinking about career paths. Maybe I should take a poly sci degree into Law School and make a serious effort at being an intellectual. Take the prosecutorial path towards running for a judgeship. You know. The more I look at this semester the more I consider actually delaying my advance to juniorhood and declaration of a major until next fall. The thing is that there are still interests I want to pursue and I can honestly say that I would like a bit more in the way of academic exploration before I make any meaningful choices. Like I want to be a psych major because I'd love to contribute to the world's store of science and I don't find physics or chemistry all that fascinating and biology I CAN'T take at Columbia. "Hello professor who was good friends with my father before he commited suicide and left me to drown in my own misery, please treat me like anybody else even though you know where I come from and what I've been through." I would also like to make a political/philosophical impact on the world and I think I have a lot to say, much more complex and I think important than anything I've journaled. The problem there is finding an audience wide enough for me to feel like I had some sort of positive effect. Brilliance has given way to expedience in politics. I would also like to write but I don't want to major in it because it's still painful and difficult to do. But it's the thing I've wanted to do longest and it's something that I feel I have some talent in.
Of course if I wanted to go for REAL talent I would have to follow in the giant footsteps of the Great Gillary (That's Aaron "Hotter than Arizona in August" Gilary for all you ladies out there who are interested, and you know it's most if not all of you) and be an English major. I have a talent for interpreting and teasing apart literature that MANY people have commented on throughout my life and that rivals that of many very cultured people. Of course I don't WANT To become an English major for that very reason. If I play to my strengths and fail that means that I've TRULY been beaten, whereas if I participate in something that's not my strong suit it's not so ego crushing to be overmatched. But also there's the matter of wanting to DO something with my life and not feeling like interpreting literature or teaching is really where I'd like to make my impact. So it ain't just fear.
Anyway this JUSTICE teacher has opened some doors for me. He's also reminded me WHY Columbia has this reputation just like David Gibson did. His name is David Johnstone so maybe I should just take classes with guys named David teaching. Of course it could also be that he's a middle aged white man as was Gibson, so maybe I should just take classes taught by middle aged white men. As un PC as it may be I'd probably find it more fulfilling. Am I a sicko searching for a father figure? I don't know. But I shouldn't discount doing things that satisfy me just because I'm afraid I MIGHT have alterior motives. Anyway I have my anthro class soon so I should wrap this up. I will probably drop Anthro just because of the sheer amount of reading material, or I COULD change it to pass fail. But if I'm going to actually take the class I might as well do my best and get a grade right? I'll feel like I cheated myself if I put in the effort for a stupid "P". Plus Pass/Fail reminds me of She-whose-name-is-pain-upon-my-lips for neurotic reasons not worth going into. Oh well...I should write something deeper and more meaningful later. But first I should discharge my studently duties. That's studently not Studly you sick creepos. I wish!