Here there be monsters (socratic) wrote,
Here there be monsters

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Further humiliations.

Well just as I thought life was heading towards rock bottom I had ANOTHER incredibly embarassing experience today. I was sitting in JUSTICE enjoying Professor Johnston's ruminations on utilitarianism and his fielding of rather inane questions from the huge class, when I leaned back in my chair to stretch my back, and broke it. That's right, with a HUGE snapping sound the back came away from the base of the chair and sat limply against the metal bracket that holds the desk. Everyone of course immediatly looked in my direction, although professor Johnston to his credit and my eternal gratefulness continued to lecture after missing only the briefest beat.

I should add that this is not entirely my fault. The chairs in that room are constructed in a very decieving manner. See it looks like there's a metal bracket for the back support that comes up from the metal base that the chair rests upon, but in fact this isn't so. Instead there is a tiny bit of the seat that is glued to the main frame of the chair and the metal bracket extends up from that bit. Meaning that the back portion of the chair is held on only by some sort of wood glue. Also it looks like there's a place where the desk (which IS supported by a metal bracket attached to the main portion of the chair) is screwed into the back of the chair providing additional support, but in fact none of the chairs have this screwhole filled. After class I briefly looked at the chairs on my way out to make sure they were all just glued on like this and there was at least one other that was loose and unattached (read broken like mine)

I guess I should have called maintainence or something but what I did was prop the seat back up against the metal bracket in the back so it at least looks reasonably okay and isn't a total eyesore and hightailed it out of class. I didn't want my first interaction with professor Johnson to be telling him that I was the moron in the back who broke the chair. I'll readily admit to it if asked though and I would've stayed and done something if the chairs hadn't been so decievingly built! I'm sure it'll come back to bite me in the ass at some point with a "hey aren't you the fat kid who broke the seat in Justice class?" but whatever. My life is like that.

I just hope I didn't get on professor Johnson's bad side.

An irony of the situation is that it happened because I've been trying to lose weight. You see it wasn't placing my bulk against the back that caused it to snap, it was when I stretched out with my legs, which have been even further strengthened by doing 25 minutes a day on the bike at full intensity. My calves which have always been the size and power of a professional athlete's are now literally only slightly smaller than footballs. They resemble bricks really. So by strengthening my legs on the bike I ended up overpowering the chair when I stretched back.

I need a hole in the ground to hide in for like 20 years. Only if I did I'm sure that the mole people would laugh at me. Some weeks it doesn't pay to breathe.
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