Frankly the whole competetive academic thing is starting to bore me. It feels far too much like a game and not NEARLY enough like anything useful or meaningful. Maybe I should just drop Anthro but I need to check with Jeff and find out a couple of things first. I just want to be in a class where I can really LEARN and get credit for it. You know where work and intelligence mean more than brown nosing and efficient study methods. I really like the material in most of my classes this semester (Statistics is eh and anthropology hasn't gotten interesting yet) but the whole maintaining high grades/planning for my future thing has started to take up too much of my mind. And now I have this revised view of what awaits me in the world outside. I don't have illusions that law school is all that different from investment banking. It's all about making contacts and doing years of shitwork for a chance to be rich. That isn't what I want. I'd like to do judicial work but not all the shit that comes first. So my only other solution that makes sense is some sort of PhD track (I don't think med school is for me because calc/physics/chem/bio/orgo would probably take the wind out of my sails pretty quick, especially the labs) and that's a lot of time for...what?
I really need to evaluate where I'm headed in every facet of my life and fast. Hopefully Jeff will help with that tomorrow although I doubt he'll have bothered to read this. The pansy. Oh and faithful readers MIGHT note that I spent a good deal of time reading a book for my own personal pleasure when I have STACKS of books I should be reading for school. But sometimes longterm self-evaluation takes precedence over medium term academic goals. Before I start running I want to know which direction the finish line lies in. Something's off this semester and I don't think it's the extra class. But I guess I should just hit the hay now so I can do some reading in the morning and not worry about any major changes until I talk with Jeff and my advisor who I am meeting with on friday. I just hope that Professor Johnston's lecture tomorrow morning gives me reason to re-evaluate what that book made me think of Ivy League institutions in general and Columbia in particular. I can't believe that I could be spending time in the same classrooms as people who could go to a bar and watch a man sexually molest a secretary by humping her with his exposed penis while she vomits from drinking to much and find that AMUSING. In HINDSIGHT no less. I mean maybe while they were drunk it could be funny and then shameful when they awaken....but...no.
Whatever happened to morality?