"I...I can leave."
"I can leave the room if you want"
Everyone stared at me and then a few started snickering. Professor Gregory muttered something and went back to teaching and I sat there wanting to bolt but knowing if I did I would not be able to return to the classroom. So I sat there as quiet and small as possible for the next 30 minutes with my eyes fixed forwards until I had a chance to bolt. Except I couldn't...Derrick beconed me. I waited outside the classroom for him and then listened for 15 minutes while he lectured me on how to take a joke etc. Meanwhile some girl was yapping at his heels about the study session that he's putting together and he was telling her to hold on because he had to finish stroking my ego. It was very nice of him and it did make me feel better but it definitly established us as unequal and not in that good "Ben's Superior" way that I like so well. I guess he's 35 so it would be kind of pathetic if he didn't know more about social interaction than me (plus he owned a dance company and dance can be a social business) but it's humbling to be...well...humbled. Anyway we will all be doing the study group, I will probably apologise to professor Gregory for over-reacting, and I guess I'll have to search for friends more my age/equally neurotic. I wonder if there's a young adults ward at bellvue.
Until then I will just soak in the humiliation. Ahh it's good to be a social reject. Don't strain your back picking up the mail on Christmas.