Here there be monsters (socratic) wrote,
Here there be monsters
socratic

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You'll never see it happen

Usually I try to be a merticulous thinker, and in some situations it holds me back. What I mean by this is that I like to try to think things through as much as possible even to the point of minute details. I have trouble answering simple questions like what my favorite song or food is because, as we all know, different songs and foods seem better than others at different times. I also try to write merticulously. My essays for school often overflow the page limits because I simply can not simplify complex ideas in the way that you have to to squeeze 1300 years of Japanese history into 4 pages. Often in class my comments spill out as 3 minute monologues drawing in extraneous facts and concepts so as to avoid saying things that have untrue elements.

But the main problem with my merticulous thinking is in my life. I tend to think my way around some (almost) hard truths. Like with school. It's pretty much a given that if you start writing a paper well in advance you're going to have more time to play around with it and it's going to end up being a better paper (not ALWAYS true, inspiration under stress is a real phenomenon) but when faced with that I tend to look at the details more than the core truth. Well, I say to myself, I can get an A if I do it at the last minute so there will not NECCESARILY be a benefit to doing it now. Or I bring up small problems with the assignment that I want to get answered before I actually start so I just put off the paper until the TA responds to my email asking for clarification on a tiny point about one of the paper topic choices that I'm not even doing. This may sound like routine procrastination, certainly it is in part, but it's also indicative of some of the problems in my life which come from my habit of missing the forest for the trees (Of course truly merticulous thinking involves examining the forest, and I do, but looking at the trees can distort one's perspective)

Anyway the point of this whole rant is that one of the reasons I enjoyed having my teeth extracted is that it gave me an excuse not to be merticulous. To just think and exist and not sweat the small stuff. Most of my recent rants have had logical leaps and strange language and that's been okay as long as I could excuse it by being in pain. But that's fading, tonight will be my last night and after that all I'll be able reference with respect to my pain is a quote from Kawah's girlfriend when she first saw him without pants. "There's just nothing there!" I'll have to go back to being careful with my thought and writing...and I don't know how I feel about that. Being sloppy as all get out has allowed me to get at certain things that I couldn't while being merticulous because the actual evidence isn't there. Of course you could argue that the whole POINT of being merticulous is that you avoid making assumptions and naturally if you aren't bothering yourself with silly little things like facts or the truth you're going to have a much easier time formulating opinions. This is true. But still...I liked playing things fast and loose. I'll post one more sloppy rant tonight and then try to get back on track after that. At least I came to some conclusions about my life while given an excuse that I can apply even after the excuse is gone. So that's something.

P.S. There was a whole bunch of other stuff I was going to post about merticulousness but in honor of my still excused status I decided to say just fuck it. Accuracy is mentally EXHAUSTING and thinking things through is a pain in the ass. I don't need my fucking ass hurting while my tooth still is...a little. Truth be told the main issue is I didn't sleep well cause I didn't take any drugs so I'm just flat out tired which is why I'm babbling like an idiot. But that too shall pass.
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