Here there be monsters (socratic) wrote,
Here there be monsters

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Why don't you slide?

Sometimes I miss the depression. It was like a sheath I could slide into, a place I could go that would protect me from the world at large. I feel raw now, like the world is pressing in on my skin, too close, suffocating me. When I have work to do I can no longer excuse myself by saying "It's not worth the emotional anguish." I don't know, the intimate immediacy of despair does have its advantages. Wallowing in self pity is FUN. Now I have to deal with life without that barrier of protection. Without that "Put it off till tomorrow you have more pressing matters NOW" thing there. Without my depression life is kind of...depressing. Isn't it ironic don't I think.

I can still feel the stitches from the operation. I can move them around with my tongue and feel where they enter the soft fleshy gum. It's actually quite an interesting experience. The dentist said they would melt away and I think I'll miss them. They don't really BOTHER me and they are just one more thing to play with while I'm sitting around bored. Plus it's a once in a lifetime experience having them in.

Another interesting thing. The dentist in his followup spent about 12 seconds looking in my mouth and pronounced everything perfect. I felt proud, like I had really handled the operation well. It's funny cause I had NOTHING to do with the healing process. I didn't even gargle with salt water. It's not like he said "Wow Ben you have the gums of a champion! I think with dental healing power like that you are BOUND to become an important person.You're just that much better than everyone else." Of course I think other people would be proud of their gums in the same situation, but still. It's silly.

Reading Michael Moore's "Stupid White Men" is just depressing. He provides so much good evidence of why the country sucks and why all the solutions are hard and time consuming. He definitly is a good, smart, liberal balance to all the conservativism I've been reading though.

Chris Isaac's new album is...interesting. He has two songs that strike me in particular (although the first half really resonates with me.) The first of these is "Notice the Ring" which is about his meeting an attractive girl and noticing that she has a wedding ring on, and trying to rationalize it away. It struck me because it seems so rare for rock songs to address ideas like marriage and morality these days. It's mostly about sexual conquest or angst or what have me. It feels so old fashioned to worry if the girl might be married and lying to you. REally kind of refreshing, although disturbing because he tries to rationalize hooking up with her despite the ring. But still, it's a subject that you'd think would come up more, except people just don't CARE anymore.

The other song is "American Boy" which is the themesong of his Showtime series.
What strikes me about this is that it's SO retro. I mean it harks back to the 50s when people actually thought there WAS a representative fresh faced American Boy. He's just so simplistically optimistic. No 80's excess or 90's cynacism and he doesn't have that manufactured poppycrap of the recent boy bands. That's why I love his music, because he doesn't need an ideology or an era to wrap himself in. He just plays from a polyester couch somewhere in Iowa as a small town boy with a broken heart and no pretentions. That being said the reason I don't like his new album as much as his old ones is it's too polished. The songs are good but they aren't rough and honest. Forever blue had this sort of unplanned feel that makes it a REALLY special album. Always Got Tongiht is good but the pleasure is dulled by the production values. They smoothed out the edges and eliminated the character.

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