Here there be monsters (socratic) wrote,
Here there be monsters

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Measured with coffee spoons

Okay so I got a 43/40 on the Anthropology mid term. That's a little ludicrous. I did approximatly NONE of the reading for that class, took about half a page of notes, and pretty much zoned out assuming I'd just take it pass fail anyway. Instead I am on pace to an A and POSSIBLY an A+ if I play my cards right. That's just ludicrous. Okay it's an intro course, but this isn't pee-wee university. Columbia is ranked high. Not at the VERY top but generally in the top 10 and almost ALWAYS in the top 20. Is this just some sort of talent I have for constructing logical and convincing essays despite knowing very little about the subject? Is it just that everybody else is doing ABSOLUTELY no work whatsoever? Is it some sort of odd other factor? Jeff tells me to engage the work and get more satisfaction from it. But it's unsatisfying to know you can do absolutely nothing and still come away with a really high grade. It essentially tells me that all the extra labor I would put in would be worthless in terms of the teacher's point of view because I'm already doing enough (very little) to be quite competetitve. That's one of the attractive things about psychology, I CAN'T just dominate to this degree without sweating it out a little.

On the one hand I'm glad I aced the test (The only things I got wrong were 2 extra credit questions which were about details from the book) on the other I'm profoundly disapointed that it was SO easy. I don't understand it, I really don't. Is it something in my brain that lets me do it? Is it just a lack of standards? Is it that the other students are all fucking around doing nothing AT ALL? It's disturbing and profoundly disapointing, makes me feel like the work I'm doing is a shell of what it should be. I don't know...I'd really like some help with understanding this.

At some level I route for bad grades just so I can have something to work at (not that I'm HAPPY per se when they come.) Can I get some help here?

P.S. The zone diet is going quite well. I feel alert, energetic, and not at all hungry. I also have way reduced cravings for junk foods and when I want a candy style bar I can just grab a zoneperfect protein bar. Last night I really wanted a burger and I saved up my blocks for dinner so I could have a nice juicy cheeseburger (lean meat cooked on the george foreman grill) with a side of some salad. If I actually start losing weight on this diet I will be extremely pleased. I think I can actually stick to it.
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