Here there be monsters (socratic) wrote,
Here there be monsters

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I wish I was a girl so that you would believe me.

Okay here's a continuation of a discussion from an LJ community in my personal journal. It's about sex so those of you interested in reading my views on sex are welcomed to look at it. I'll cut it for those who are sick of me droning on and on about the subject.

Sex. It's on people's minds more and more these days. Sex has gone from being a taboo activity to be done within the confines of marriage in a darkened house purely for procreation (A vast oversimplification of old attitudes) to a hobby for some people. The sexual revolution came, the hippies and the relatavists burned down the castles of the old order and erected brothels in their stead. Free sex is a reality. Free love, on the other hand, is an entirely different matter.

The old order had a lot of problems. For one it had a pretty terrible double standard. Woman must remain chaste and pure while guys are free to screw around as long as they don't get caught or cause a pregnancy. That's an unfair and indefensible position. Discrimination without a rational behind it is just plain wrong. So what's the solution? One gender is told to behave well while the other is allowed to behave badly. Most people seem to think that the way to even the playing field is to allow the good gender to go bad. I disagree. I think the solution to this problem is to require the "Bad" gender to shape the hell up and take responsibility for their behavior.

Now before I explicate this idea further I feel I should probably address why having casual sex is bad, in my opinion. The reasons are fairly simple, and I think pretty reasonable.
1) Sex has consequences. People who are not prepared to deal with those consequences with their partner probably shouldn't engage in the behavior. Pregnancy and disease are not 100% preventable and they are both a big deal. Abortion is a neccesary evil but it is not something that wipes the slate clean. Women who have abortions are not just returning themselves to the state they were in before they were inconvenienced. They are abdicating a responsibility, destroying a human life form, and contributing to the devaluation of children in our society. I am pro choice but anti abortion

2) Promiscuity devalues the family. The family is an essential institution. Having two loving parents is an invaluable asset to a child, and having a significant other is not only a predictor of longjevity but also extremely psychologically advantageous. Promiscuity undermines this venerable institution. First of all there is a reduction in the stigma for adultery. "Everybody's doing it" is an attitude that leads everybody to, in fact, do it. Secondly people are used to having multiple partners before they get married. This not only contributes to their boredom within a monogamous relationship but also reminds them that the grass is always greener. Why stay in a bad marriage when there's oodles of quality tail out there to be had after you ditch the old ball and chain (Whether that b&c is a husband or a wife). Thirdly promiscuity erases one of the reasons people enter into stable relationships to begin with (In order to get some) while failing to replicate many of the side benefits of such relationships.

3) Sex without expectations is rare indeed. Some people think that they can have sex without getting emotionally involved. This is a rare talent. How many wannabe playas have found themselves crying when they learn that their one night stand was, in fact, a one night stand? How many have felt dirty and empty after the act? Those who can detach sex and emotion often find it difficult to put the two back together once in a relationship with somebody they love. Sex is one of the most intimate acts that two people can engage in. That intimacy can not easily be contained or ignored. Playing the field is playing with your heart, as well as the hearts of those you "Game" with. Sexpectations often lead to heartbreak in a world where sex is no more exclusive than thumb wrestling.

Okay. So I think that we've established that sex is not a source of no-cost pleasure. Or at least we have to my satisfaction. On to the other reasons why men should become more chaste rather than women becoming less so. Self control and self discipline are valuable assets for a man. Control over ones sexual drives is part of that. Monogamy and sexual restraint also help develop things like honor, loyalty, personal responsibility, ethical behavior, honesty, and emotional connectedness. All of these are qualities that any young man would do well to obtain. I'm not saying that they can't be obtained in a world of promiscuity, but when all it takes to get sex are a few lies and there is the perception of there being no consequences, well it does a lot to weaken many men's resolve. These are old fashioned values, not very popular in these days when absolute standards are considered absolute bullshit and "nobody is better than anybody else." I believe that they remain quite valuable. Sexual restraint should be taught because restraint in general is a good thing. Ethics are a good thing. Loyalty and honor are GREAT things.

Patriarchal control over sexual activities is wrong. It's unfair and discriminatory. The solution, however, is to hold the abusers of the system to higher standards, not the abusees to lower ones. Sex can be a beautiful and wonderful thing. It can also be a heack of a lot of fun. There are a lot of things that are beautiful and fun but must be enjoyed only under certain conditions. Sex is one of them. I'm not saying that sex only within the context of marriage should be the law of the land, or that there should be any sort of LAW per se. I'm saying that pretending that restrictions on sex only serve to hold women down is not good for anyone. We must recognize the inequities AND the advantages of sexual restrictions and mores. There are a select few people who can enjoy free sex without jealousy, emotional involvement, or most of the other problematic factors (they still face pregnancy and disease) Most people are not like that. Pretending they are is just as false as pretending that women don't enjoy sex, or that male promiscuity is "okay"

That's basically the short version of my position. Here are some columns from a similar topic, written by women in case you think I'm just being hegemonic.

Here are my more personal views on romance and such if you are interested. Some of what I said above is re-iterated but it's less rational and has a few other points which are my personal perspective and thus not too appropriate for a formalish debate.
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