Here there be monsters (socratic) wrote,
Here there be monsters
socratic

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We call them weak who are unable to resist, the slightest chance that might exist. And for that fors

I've been thinking, I really AM doing myself a disservice by taking school so cavelierly. Sure I'm doing fine, but I'm wasting these years of my life just getting by when I should be plunging headlong into deep thought and rumination. I am skimming along on the surface instead of wading in to the sea myself (Damn the shrinking balls). I recognized this during Lit-Hum today when I realized that a lot of my excuse for not doing the work was my depression. Well quite honestly, that's gone. Things that would have sent me spiraling downward in the past are just recieved with a shrug and an attempt to learn these days. I should start engaging things.

Of course there's still the problem of not having anyone to talk to even after I start engaging things since classes WILL not go into the depth that I need, but that's okay. I'll just have to become more self reliant and start writing some more serious academic stuff outside of school. Probably not possible this semester but that's okay. Only three weeks left after this one anyway, and this one's almost done.

A corrolory to this line of thinking is that I really need to re-examine my major. I sort of chose psychology or law while I was depressed and seeking some sort of meaning outside of personal fulfillment. When I was pushed to do something to save the world so that I would be okay. I'm not sure I feel that way anymore. I still definitly want to achieve something but I don't know whether I should focus on doing the most I can for the world objectively or just picking whatever I can do best/like most and doing the most I can at that. It's definitly something to think about. Decisions decisions. Anyway I'm gladI haven't declared yet. I might switch again to something like English or philosophy which better fits my talents. Or I might not. Any suggestions as to what I should do?

Well right now I know that I should get ready to go to class cause I have a stat test. Damn, now I feel pressure to do well because I helped Diana and if I do worse than her I'll look like something of a fraud. Shake it off, shake it off. I'm sure I'll be fine. I did some sample problems on my own and they weren't too hard, plus the test isn't going to be that long or tough. We'll see though.
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