Here there be monsters (socratic) wrote,
Here there be monsters

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Don't blame me it's all due to Laraby's gang now now seems that registration and this final push at the end of the semester have finally managed to break me down a little. It's not that I can't handle the pressure or that I'm overly concerned about next semester's registration, it's more that I've come to the realization that I don't have enough time here to get everything I want to get done, done. I guess I thought that I'd find ONE major I could settle on and settle into but it just hasn't played out that way. Meanwhile the core, which I initially thought would be a big boon to me forcing me to explore a variety of options, has turned into a bit of a burden. If not for that stupid foreign language requirement things would be looking a lot better for me as I head into the collegiate homestretch. As it stands now I'm going to have to take Spanish over the summer. I'm hoping that the summer plays out as nicely as last summer did (with one obvious exception) so that I can get some rest and relaxation ALONG with getting requirements completed but I'm not betting on it. One of the good things about last summer was that all the classes were a maximum of 2 hours long, even if they were up to 4 times a week. This summer I'm going to be taking 3 hours classes and that's not fun at ALL (I did that for music hum last year and it bit bigtime). I can hope that these classes will be more interesting but chances are it's going to be a struggle. I can accept that. The thing is that if I complete the Spanish requirement over the summer that only gives me two weeks! of vacation before the fall semester starts, and if I don't that just ladels on another class that I have to take during my remaining four semesters, which will naturally cut down on other classes that I want to take.

Considering how I'm fading right now I've got to question whether or not I'll be able to keep going for another 12 months straight with virtually no break. Maybe I should just do 6 weeks of summer classes and enjoy an 8 week break.

Then there's the lab volunteering but I don't want to think about that right now. I have to, but I don't want to. It's not that I don't want to do the work, I think I'll enjoy working in a lab, it's more that I really don't want to have to search out a lab to work in. I'm so tired of kissing butt to advisors and professors. I just want to sign up and DO it, not play departmental politics and brown nose. Urk.

Sometimes I wonder how other people do it, how they deal with all the innanity and anguish and difficult choices that comes with being human. I guess a lot of people find meaning in their relationships to other people. I guess a lot focus on pet projects. I guess others take risks and don't give a fuck about the staid and steady path (Which is really where all the delays are. That little country road might not take you where you want to go but at least you don't end up in 4 year traffic jams) I don't know. People find a way to prosper despite difficulty and dissatisfaction. People enjoy their lives despite bitter failures. Maybe one day I'll figure out how to do that.

Today I'm going to try to finish to the lighthouse, that's my goal. Paul and Kawah invited me to go to Hooters with them (This was mentioned previously I believe) but I declined partially out of a desire to do work, partially out of the distinct LACK of a desire to see scantily clad women (Breasts=scary) and mostly because going would have taken my diet out back and beaten it to death with double fried potato skins and yummy yummy sour cream. *sigh* Sour Cream...I miss you. Not as much as I miss Bacon Cheeseburgers, but I miss you all the same.

It would have been interesting to go to Hooters. Observation of the people there might have been a kick, and I could have brought my Gloria Steinum book and read it right there at the table which I think would have been fun. The food would have been delicious but I must maintain my resolve. I'm back down to the weight I was before I went out for Mexican food and I want to be lower by the end of the weekend (That's why I made sure to jump on the bike today.) If I increase my exercise decently I can increase my food intake and still lose weight, so that's something to think about. I'm rambling now.

How did I get so fucking boring so fucking fast? I used to be proud of this journal. I hope it's just a function of busyness.
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