Bah! I'm not going to go there. Discipline man...discipline.That's the ticket. As long as I stay busy I can't slip into...that.
I think I'm going to stop weighing myself and worrying so much about the diet. I've been blathering boringly about it for too long and it's counterproductive. That's not to say I won't stick to it, only that I won't let it preoccupy me so much. I think that's a good idea. A watched pot never boils and a watched ass never shrinks.
I read most of the book (Didn't quite finish, fell asleep trying) and spent about 5 hours working on the essay. I'm not really pleased with how it came out but it's not COMPLETE crap. I just felt I had too much I wanted to say and not enough of it was closely related. I was sort of pleased with the fact that during class I got corroborating evidence to a lot of the conclusions that I came up with but sort of upset that I put a lot more work into this essay than most of the previous ones and I'm not likely to get a very good grade on it, which will take my class grade down from an A to an A- (although I don't care so much anymore about that) and generally make me feel bad about a bunch of stuff. Can't be helped though, I couldn't do the Satan in Goray one because I have a psych test the day before and I NEED to study for it big time. Well the paper due date got moved back but I need that time to write my psych E.C. paper anyway and I had already finished my To The Lighthouse so I wasn't going to write a new one, that would possibly be worse, just out of insecurity (I DID work on this one, so although I feel guilty for not having worked HARDER I at least can say that I ended the semester on a more honest note in terms of what I turned in, not that I was ever DISHONEST, it's just that I wrote without reading which is at the very least impolite.) I don't know, I feel disapointed in the results but happy with the process. I guess that's an improvement. Oh and I did run into one of the problems of doing the reading. I had WAY too much to say. 8 page paper for a 5 page assignment is not good. If anyone wants to read it I can post it in my journal but it is NOT my best work.
I'm going to work on statistics with Diana tonight around 9. I don't know how long we will be working together but I hope not too long. I still feel uncomfortable doing work with females and I was HOPING I could get around it by having her do half the work by herself and me finish it up by myself but no go, apparently she prefers working in the group. It doens't look like we have THAT much to do so it shouldn't be a huge deal. Still a little nervousness inducing though.
I have a slight lull in the work today before I really have to kick it into super gear. Hope I can get enough rest to make it through the finals period. I'm SO unconfident in my grades for this semester.
Most of my posts will be fractured like this until I get some major downtime. Can't waste energy and focus writing lengthy quality entries, sorry about that.
I should mention that monday's session with Jeff went really well. I realized that one of the things I really like about him is that he can kick my ass. Both physically and, at times, mentally. He was an athlete when he was younger and he takes martial arts and all I can say about him in a fight is he's fucking fast and has enough of a mean streak not to passively sit around and get his butt whooped. He's also freakishly strong for his tiny size and advanced age. At this point I think that if I really went at him I would lose. I respect that. Mentally things are much less clear. I'm pretty sure that I'm wittier than him and faster on my mental feet. I also feel that I can deeply process things better than he can, although because he has so much more knowledge he generally has more insight because he brings more to the table in terms of resources, not horsepower. That's one place I can't compare to him, knowledge. Partially a function of age partially seriousness I really respect that he's read just about EVERYONE and on every topic. Anyway even though I feel that I am better than him in certain mental areas I certainly don't outclass him like I have other people I've known. It's not a no-contest hands down win. I really like the fact that he can stand up to me intellectually and win at times (although I'd never admit it, just like he doesn't admit when I kick his scrawny ass) I don't know, I just wanted to air that I really appreciate how tough Jeff is and I LIKE sometimes to be taken to the mat and to know that, hey, there are people out there better than me at things and I don't have to compromise my own ability just to enter on a level playing field. It's something I wanted to say. Of course there's a lot of other stuff that I appreciate about Jeff but I think that respect is at the core of why I can stand him even when he's a petty little asshole or he drones on and on about himself and his basketball stuff.
I should get going to the computer lab, I just wanted to put that stuff down. I'll post again later if there's a fiasco. Here's hoping everything goes smootha nd normal.